And we started laughing because instead of saying stuff like, "Hey, remember that time we rappelled out of that helicopter in Montreal in the middle of the night to rescue those kidnapped agents and smuggled them out of the country through those unused tunnels that run under the lakes? hahah...yeah, good times..."
we would have this:
"Hey De, you remember that time we had tea and twinkies?"
(Yeah, when do we NOT have fuckin' tea and twinkies? Not that I'm complaining, just saying...)
OR
"Remember that time at the park when we were playing with the girls on the swings and then went to watch that penguin movie just so we could get out of the heat and into AC?"
(Because dangers abound at every push of the rusty tire swing? And dancing penguins are both cute AND educational, don't judge.)
Yeah. Not exactly spy shit there.
However, I started thinking - if we mixed it all together, we'd get something slightly more interesting...
*****************************************************************************************************
"Hey, remember that time we were having tea and twinkies?"
"Ooh, in Alaska? And it was like 3 a.m. but it looked like it was 3 p.m. because the sun never sets in the summer and yet somehow, it's still cold as shit?"
"Yeah, and then we got shot at by that Rambo-wanna-be your ex hired because you cleaned out his offshore account after you found out he was cheating on you with that transexual glamrock dude/chick?"
"Adam Lambert?"
"What? No. That's American Idol."
"Oh, right. I meant David Cook."
"Nooo, STILL American Idol. Stop mixing up the stories, we're talking about the assassin."
"...the one with the guy-liner and blue hair?"
(PAUSE)
"NO. THAT IS the glamrock guy. I'm talking about the hired assassin, pay attention! You know - the one who kept trying to shoot at us but he had really bad vision and kept missing and eventually shot his own foot because he thought it was a rabid raccoon when really it was just his own mismatched boot..."
"yeah yeah, the one who parachuted into the trees, landed on top of me, then got attacked by those fake ninjas!"
(LONGER PAUSE)
"That was from the movie, "Spies Like Us". And that wasn't YOU, that was Dan Akroyd!"
"Ooooh, right."
*SIGH*
"Cabin. Assassin. Coke-bottle glasses. Shitty aim. Dead birds?"
"Oh yeah. That guy was an asshole. And who hires an assassin with vertigo? Every time he thought he was shooting straight at us, he was actually leaning to the left and missed the whole damn cabin."
"And then he shot that penguin, instead."
"And then all his penguin buddies got pissed off and started chasing him and they all fell into that fishing hole..."
"Yeah, and then we had to eat the dead penguin because we were afraid the bears and wolves would smell blood and try to break into our cabin at night and eat US."
"Or turn us into were-wolves...or were-bears!"
"I know, right? I mean, it would probably hurt like hell. But at least then we could hang out at Sanctuary with all the cool were/dark-hunters, like Vane and Sasha and the Peltiers...and Ash! HA!"
"Yeah! And STEFAN!"
(PAUSE)
"Um, noooo. Stefan is from a different story. And he's a VAMPIRE. Fuckin' focus, gah!!"
"Oh, right. My bad."
*SIGH*
"Wait. Who was in Alaska?"
(SILENCE)
"Hey, so remember that time we went skeet shooting in Nepal and then had tea and twinkies after?"
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Yeah, I would make the shittiest spy, but I would have the best stories. Which really just evens it all out
** note: I "borrowed" the characters of Vane, Sasha, the Peltiers, and Ash (Acheron) from Sherrilyn Kenyon's Dark-Hunter series (LOVE!), Stefan is a character in the Patricia Briggs Mercy Thompson book series (also LOVE!) And if you've read any of those books, you'd know why hanging out with any of them would be sooo cool.
And yes - I KNOW there are no penguins living in Alaska.
Unless they are were-penguins. heh
**
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