Fundamentals

So Naomi gave me a great idea for a new blog topic – writing about the "fundamentals". Actually, she got the idea from a book (and a website called "Daily Candy"), but I thought it was great! I actually wrote one something like this a while ago called "The Tao of De" but this is a better and newer version. (okay maybe not so much better, but definitely newer).

Basically, it's a compilation of stuff I believe in and have learned either through my own experiences or from books or other people. It's all about doing things to try to be happy and live better. Hopefully, if nothing else, I have inspired my own self to do more of this…

· Have a cup of green tea every now and then.
It's warm and soothing and comforting and healthy. It's like a liquid hug

· Get in touch with old friends...people you actually liked but somehow managed to lose contact with over the years...it's a wonderful feeling to reconnect. (Hi Naomi! Hi Jacob! )

· Don't let other people determine your self worth.
As Dave Chapelle once said, the world can't tell you who you are, you have to figure it out and then just be there. Do, experience, fail, accomplish, move forward no matter what other people may think of you for doing so. Stand for something...stand out in the crowd...stand up for your own self.

· REMEMBER THE PEOPLE WHO REMEMBER YOU
Even if it's just with a few simple words. People appreciate more than we give them credit for. Don't just SAY you care, BE PRESENT in the lives of the people you care about.

• Pray. Not only for what you need, but for what you already have. Be thankful.
  

· Have no regrets.
There's no point. We are only human - we will make mistakes and hurt each other, intentionally or not. But the great thing about life is that it has a way of working itself out, and God will never disappoint or fail you and that's all you really need to know.
"Nothing you have even done is too much for the mercy of God" - Joel Osteen

· Even if you can't forget, learn to forgive, no matter how long it might take.
Letting go is essential to being happy.

· Read fiction.
Forgetting about the problems of the world and your own life and immersing yourself in another, even if just for an hour or so every week, helps lift that fog of despair and the melancholy feeling we all sometimes experience. Besides, books sometimes teach great problem solving skills.
I'm a HUGE fan of escapism

· Give to charity. Any charitable cause. Several if you can...with your time and or money.
There shouldn't need to be an explanation for this one...

· Write
Journals, blogs, poetry, music...even if nobody ever reads or hears it, do it for yourself. We all need "outlets" or ways to release emotions in a healthy way. In my opinion, there's no better or more beautiful way to do that than through written words.

· Whenever possible, look people in the eye when you say "I'm sorry", "I missed you", "I love you".
It DOES matter.

· Do not agree to or insist on something you don't feel.
Besides, a liar need a good memory and most of us just aren't that good at it.

· Laugh at yourself
Because if you can dish it out, you sure as hell better be able to take it.
A sense of humor is a wonderful and important thing to have - be your own fan

· Find a "happy place"
Whether it's an actual place or particular hobby, memory, or favorite item (like my yellow duckie pen) - find something that will make you smile when you really can't see any other reason to do so. It's amazing how such simple things can make a huge difference.

· Conquer one thing that scares you. Get over yourself.
Because as Eddie says, sometimes you just have to look life square in the eye and say, "f**k you, biatch!!"
Uh-huh. Thanks, Eddie

· Remember that "definitions are for the definers, not the defined"
You will never be able to please everyone, and this is where my favorite Dr. Seuss quote comes into play:
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."

· Engage in random acts of kindness. Because it's just how we should be.
Nuff said.

· Give into guilty pleasures every now and then.
Buy yourself flowers (or jewelry), take an overpriced vacation with your friends or family, take naps in the afternoon, shop at Victoria's Secret, lounge around all day in your pajamas and have nothing but cheesecake and wine...you only live once. Unwind. ENJOY.

· Advise. Comfort. Support. But do not tell people how they should live their lives.
Unless you know every thought, feeling and experience someone has ever had, you DO NOT know them better than they know themselves. Let it be enough to run your own life and let other people live theirs.

· Don't be so quick to judge; befriend people who are different.
It helps us to become more open minded, humorous, considerate, thoughtful, better people.

· Stop keeping score. Unless you're playing a sport or board game.
Karma will take care of it for you.
"Keep what is worth keeping and with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away"

· Take a dance class, if just once.
Do something that makes you uncomfortable - you learn more about yourself that way and if you are able to overcome it, you create more opportunity for friendship and personal growth.

· Listen to old people when they talk. They have the best stories and can offer some great advice. You can learn a lot from people with more experience and knowledge. Plus, sometimes all they need is company, so it's really a win-win situation.

· Listen to children when they talk, even when they sometimes ask too many questions. All they want is to learn and know that you care. As they get older, you'll see why it was so incredibly important to do so.

· Find something active you enjoy as exercise and do it.
(I SWEAR I'm going to start doing Budokan again starting January...no, for real this time )

· Teach yourself
As they say, expand your horizons...it's never too late to try something new.

· There ARE such things as random tangents. Have them.
It's okay to be creative or eclectic. Embrace your inner dork

· Learn to appreciate different cultures, music, language...
It makes you a better conversationalist and through it, you meet some pretty engaging and interesting people.

· Have REAL heroes.
Whether it be a parent, a teacher, someone serving in the armed forces, the lifeguard at your favorite beach...have faith in and respect for the people who sacrifice something of themselves for your safety, comfort, education, well being. It helps you set priorities straight and see what's really important in life.

· Apologize for things you know you did wrong.
BUT NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR BEING YOURSELF

· Time is something you will never get back. Say what needs to be said. Do what needs to be done. Today. Play, laugh, learn, love, fall, forgive…cherish experiences and the people you create them with because in the end, the only things we take with us are memories. Make some great ones.

un-masked

This is a re-post, with a few words changed here and there...for some of the friends I already have, and some I haven't yet met who question themselves and their relationships...I guess at the end of the day, all you can ask yourself is: Am I still willing to dance?

________________________________________________________________________________

In the Masquerade of love

we all dance…

A whirlwind blur of chance and circumstance

where truths are hidden behind painted skin and

smooth, tailored guises

The strings begin and we willingly bind hands and hearts,

heads tilted in laughter and unabashed confidence

Bodies close, destinies entwined,

strangers in step with time

Content with masked perfection and changing melodies

But do we know how long the music will last?

Do we ever know…

How long can we suffer the strong poses and graceful gestures

that hide the lone tear and exhausted smile?

And what of the lull?

The in-between breaths when we are free to choose

another face…a different pace…

more colorful adornments

in favor of the same rhythm and attire

When faced with your choice of masquerades

would you take your last bow and your leave of me?

Or would you stand with me in patient faith

knowing the music would play again and

we could dance once more?

Always once more…

When the last of the strings are stilled of their cadence,

would you withdraw your arms from my hopeful embrace

in search of the next refrain?

Or would you stand, unmasked and unadorned

with your scars and uncertainties

still holding fast to my flawed beauty and muted imperfections?

When the lull begins

can you still feel the music?

Would you still reach for me -

a willing partner to the quell in tempo

and the displacement of steps?

Within the echoes of a quicker pace

and the walled memories of freedom

you will find me still reaching for you…

still willing to dance

time

I met a girl this morning while walking to the corner shop to enable my caffeine addiction

She was sweet and friendly a looked a little like me,

except she reeked of optimism and second chance

She asked me to talk with her about dreams and life,

but as I couldn't quite get past her simplicity and

naively cheerful disposition,

snatched up my sleeve-fitted styrofoam bliss and strolled out
to greet prominence and worldliness, instead

I sat next to a girl today while taking the train into Richtown, USA

She seemed a lot like me except she was one of those traveling types who likes to play,

and smelled of French crepes and Irish glens and had hair the color of New England fall

With a hopeful smile, she asked me to share with her a story or two

but as I needed to keep up with the Joneses,

declined her offer and set out to make my six-figure fortune

I passed a girl today while leaving the jewelry store –

gold bangle daggling from and reflecting sunshine off my wrist

She had my eyes and features, but looked a bit withdrawn and forlorn

She asked me to slow down and take some time

but as I had none to spare,

shunned her request and

moved past her on my way to indulgence and status

I met a woman while on my way home today,

sitting on the concrete stairs of an abandoned building

She was a dead ringer for me except she looked haggard and lost,

her only companion a rusted metal box resting on her knee

"Would you like to see what's inside?" she asked

Before I could protest, feigning self-importance,

she opened the cover to reveal discarded potential, neglected love, and an abundance of tears, selfishness, materialism, lonely wealth and missed opportunities.

With an understanding and sadness reflecting her own,

I asked her name

simple, she said

they call me Regret

An Interview with 'Omi

Okay so my friend Naomi and I were trying to think up a new blog topic. So we came up with the idea to interview each other, and I suggested we use the questionnaire from Inside the Actor's Studio. You know, the questionnaire by Bernard Pivot that James Lipton uses with the celebrities at the very end of the interview? It's actually my favorite part of the show because I think it's fun and somewhat revealing. Anyway, Naomi and I decided to "interview" each other, so here are the answers to her questions (which I absolutely LOVE!!)....posted for our own enjoyment and amusement....and possibly yours, too. I have such great (and entertaining) friends

1) What is your favorite word? bon appetit - let's eat!

2) What is your least favorite word?
Delayed - what can i say, I'm an impatient person. I absolutely hate to see these words on the schedule monitor at the airport, especially when its listed for my flight!

3) What turns you on?
Flirtatious sarcasm. Weird i know. And flattery. will get you everywhere.

4) What turns you off?
People who uninvitedly invade my personal space - like the annoying people in my gym class. People who drive slow in the fast lane. Poor hygiene.

5) What sound or noise do you love?
Jasmine saying 'o--mi. This and the sound of hitting the jackpot on a slot machine.

6) What sound or noise do you hate?
Nails on a chalkboard. Just typing the words makes my knees cringe

7) What is your favorite curse word?
Dumbass - I love how it rolls off of my tongue

8) What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Jack McCoy - and having the evidence to "go for the kill" and crush a case.

9) What profession would you not like to do?
Someone who builds bridges or works on telephone poles - I'm afraid of heights

10) If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? (do you remember where this is from?)

Welcome back,
Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back,
To that same old place that you laughed about.

Well the names have all changed since you hung around,
But those dreams have remained and they're turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya (Who'd have thought they'd lead ya)
Here where we need ya (Here where we need ya)

Yeah we tease him a lot cause we've got him on the spot, welcome back,
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

24?

If you could have one day to be anybody, past or present, real or fictional, who would it be? Twenty-four hours to be GREAT at being somebody else and could have everything they have but also be yourself and in turn, within the confines of those 24 hours, possibly effect a change that's so dramatic, you set the world spinning in a new direction?
Or just have one hell of a good day.
What if you could go back in time and alter the course of history?
Or jump into the pages of a comic book and bring it to life for your own enjoyment, if only for 24 hours?

WHAT WOULD YOU DECIDE?

Here's my picks (separated by category):

Real life (present): BILL GATES
Worldwide humanitarian and philanthropist at large
I know he's brilliant and charitable and already does his absolute best to make a world of difference. I don't want to be him to do anything better (not that I would know HOW), I just want to be him for a day to know what it feels like to have so much wealth that it generates a power that can literally change everything you touch for the better. Having the means to effect change on that grand of a scale must be an incredibly overwhelming and rewarding feeling.
Bill Gates gets five stars in my book.


Real life (past): JOSCELIN VERREUIL
(hero of Jacqueline Carey's highly praised Kushiel's Legacy series...shut up, Tanya and Kristi)
Okay so technically, Joscelin would fall into the "fictional/superhero/make-believe category, but because I am CERTAIN that somebody exactly like him existed at some point in time, he is my pick for "real life" past hero and person that I would most definitely want to be. So there!
My reasons for wanting to be him are simple - he is a vambrace wearing, twin dagger and sword wielding highly trained warrior and priest who believes equally in God and in love...strong, defiant, faithful, determined, fearless. The perfect companion
Simply put, I want to be that kind of devoted, self-less, loyal friend and partner. I think at some point in our lives, we should all be aware of what love really means and how when it puts you in a position to risk everything for it, you take it.
I imagine it's an incredibly heartbreaking and humbling experience.
Plus, you know, I'm pretty sure he could take any of the highlanders with just those twin daggers alone!
Joscelin gets my vote for being the most kick ass man in anybody's book.
(I would have said Joan of Arc but that whole burning at the stake thing does not sit well with me at all...yikes...)


Real life whimsical/playful: a CIRQUE DU SOLEIL performer
Yep, complete with those ceiling sashes and bendy staffs (I don't know the real names for them, obviously...), and yours truly doing a triple back layout with a two and a half twist executed flawlessly from a russian swing by my perfectly toned body while spectators ooohh and ahhhh their way through 2 hours of jaw dropping, breathtaking excitement from their $150 seats.
At the Wynn Hotel in Vegas.
This one pretty much speaks for itself and really - the whole idea of being thrown around in a good way is exciting, no??
That and for once in my life, I'd like to look good in spandex...it's the circus, baby!!


Fictional character/superhero: NIGHTCRAWLER (x-men)
That's right - some people want to be Superman or Wonder Woman - I want to be a blue-skinned, pointy-tail having, teleporting, bouncing off walls and backflipping, kicking bad guy ass and taking names German "devil" with a penchant for sarcasm and swords.
Although I have to say, the best part would be leaving a puff of purple mist and faint smell of brimstone in my wake. Muahahahah....
Hey, nobody said you had to be perfect to be loved


Random: MATT LAUER
Because he gets to interview some pretty cool people. And honestly - I would love to sit down and talk to Tom Cruise and say, "What the fuck, dude?!? "
What happened to Mr. Mission Impossible when he became a full fledged Scientologist and started talking smack to Brooke Shields? And since when did he become a psychiatrist?
Who made him god? Has he BEEN in the mother ship? And why does his wife look scared half the time?
I just wanna know...
That and I'd like to interview Bill Clinton because come on, who can actually say they didn't LIKE the man and the President despite all the other *ahem* stuff that happened.
He's southern. And funny. And plays the sax! And any highly profiled public figure who can kick back with a cigar and in not so many words tell the entire free world to back the fuck off gets my vote.
But most importantly, I'd like to sit Ms. Katie Holmes down and tell her, "look honey, before your hybrid brothers and sisters come to take you home, get a spine, reconcile with your faith and your family, and for the love of all that is shinny and saucer shaped, stop making movies - you suck!"
Seriously, did you SEE her in Batman Begins opposite Christian Bale?
It was another one of those times I wanted to put my eye out with my yellow duckie pen...

I still remember which stars are ours

Today I watched a movie called, Evening. It stars (as the movie jacket states) some of the greatest actresses of our time: Meryl Streep, Glenn Close, Vanessa Redgrave, Toni Collette, Claire Danes, Natasha Richardson...and it's brilliant.

It's a simple story. One that some people might not care much to see because of it's simplicity. At least in style, if not script.
It's a story that's missing the hype and Hollywood drama, missing the big budget and special effects and the $20 million a picture actors who command the screen amongst all the hype and drama. Instead, it's simply a story about family and chances and moments that give us the opportunity to dream, succeed, be happy. And how all of that builds upon each other to create a life that we hope we look back on with fondness.

It's a story that's partly set in the early 1950s and partly in the present day, and pans back and forth between the two in order to tell the story of a woman named Anne .....a mother, free spirit, two time divorcee, and would be singer. A woman who is now old, very ill and at the end of her life, looking back and remembering people she had never before talked about with her children. And that leads her daughters to wonder about the mother they never completely knew or understood, and what truly makes a life...and happiness.

But more so, it's a story about the loves and friendships we carry with us through an entire lifetime. And how things have a way of coming full circle.
You see that in part between Anne and her best friend, Lila, towards the beginning of the story when they're in their early 20s and Lila is getting married, and Anne offers to save her from herself and a potential mistake, the way any good friend would. And then again when they are old women and Anne is slowly fading away.
After Lila's wedding, the two lose touch - for reasons that are made clear in the movie - and are apart for decades. But towards the end of Anne's life, Lila gets a call from Anne's nurse telling her that Anne is very ill, and she immediately goes to her.
Lila walks into the room and you see these two old women who have been missing from each others lives for so many years and yet when Anne opens her eyes and sees Lila, the years all seem to disappear. Lila climbs into bed with Anne, cradles her and whispers, "there there. la la la...", exactly the way Anne had done with Lila the day of her wedding when she was confused and unsure, when all she needed was the comforting touch of her friend.
And you see in that mirrored moment, that some bonds can never really be broken even by time, or what we sometimes look back on as mistakes.
It's about the kind of friendship where things don't always have to be said, but are always understood...and that sometimes all you need is to know that you are remembered and forgiven.

Most importantly, it's a story about love and holding on.
The love that you settle for because it's comforting and expected.
The kind of relationship that's more about appearance and status and in pleasing the family who would rather see you in a relationship that gives you stability instead of one that your heart is already in.
And in this sense, it's also about sacrificing the love you need for the mediocrity you are willing to accept to please others.
And how that affects and carries with you.

And then there's the remarkable kind of love that you spend a weekend....a month...a summer creating but remember always. The kind of memory that you never really share with others - with those who would never understand your reasons for being temporarily insane and unreasonable and incredibly happy.
The kind of love that etches itself onto your soul...that comes back to you in your last moments when you are looking back and realize eveything that was truly important.

In the movie, young Anne meets a charming doctor (Harris) who upon first meeting, offers to take her for a sail. She doesn't go, but does share a fleeting romance with Harris, who she never forgets.
Among other things said and done during their brief time together, Harris picks out stars in the sky that he declares are for them - to look up at and remember how they felt when they were together.
After parting ways - for somewhat complicated reasons also made known in the story - they both go on to marry others and have children of their own.
But one chance meeting years later, they bump into each other on the street and you realize that no matter how many years have gone by and despite the fact that they now love other people, there is something that will always be between them. And maybe there is a reason for that - for the memory that short but remarkable period of time created for both of them.
As they are parting, after having a brief conversation, Harris leans in and says to Anne, "Can I tell you something?"
"I still remember which stars are ours."

It's a poignant moment in the rain as they shake hands, smile through tears, and walk away from each other for the last time.
And in the end, Anne finally gets to take that sail, and you can only smile and hope Harris is on that boat with her.

The story of Anne's life is a beautiful journey. One that's well written and wonderfully performed by each actor perfectly choosen for their respective roles.
And I think its beauty comes from a story about how there are no mistakes. And that it's okay, because as Lila states towards the end of the movie,
"We are mysterious creatures, aren't we?
And at the end, so much of it turns out not to matter."

And if that's true, in the end, maybe all that really matters IS the love and friendships we take with us.